me, you and everyone we know

‘En tu silencio habita el mío
y en alguna parte de mi cuerpo habitó
un trozo de tu olor,
en tu silencio habita el mío
y en alguna parte de mis ojos habitó
un trozo de dolor.’

sometimes

sometimes you stare at a shop window, look at a really elegant state-of-art style of clothes, or a painting, or a figure. you like it and you like looking at it. then something happens and you start walking away. then nothing stays in your mind about that thing, just some nice memory. and sometimes, you are walking on an empty street, and all of a sudden you hear a melody; you look around to see, but all gets smudged, blurred, vague. then there comes an earthquake, that shakes all the ground and yourself. you witness the roads crack, walls crumble, bridges break. then nothing remains the same on that street again. i think, this is called love.

damn it.

reaching for a sentence in my mouth, 
well hidden under my tongue.

did you really displace me? 

yollar

yollar devam ediyor, hayat kendi basina donmeye devam ediyor dunyanin yanibasinda.

gectigimiz yollar hep arkamizda birikiyor, ve birikmeye devam edecek her daim. gunler gelecek, gunler gececek, sabah uyandiginda perdeyi ceker gibi degisecek bazi seyler, ansizin, kibarca, kustahca, zalimce, haince, masumca, isteklice, belki de isteksizce. ama birikecek olan hersey.

ani dedigimiz sey beynin icinde bir yanilsama aslinda. yasadigimiz an kadar variz, ondan ote ya da geri kalan hersey biraktigimiz izler, birakmaya calistigimiz. 

yollar devam ediyor, edecekler de. kopruler baglayacak kitalari birbirine, daglar donecek, hayat kendi halinde donmeye devam edecek, dunyanin yanibasinda.

mum isiginin yaninda sarkilar soylenecek yine, insanlik adina, hayat adina, arkadaslik, dostluk, yalnizlik adina. agiz tadiyla yasanan bir an icin, bir umut icin.

insan sadece kendinden kacar aslinda. 

and..

and sometimes i feel that only i’m growing up, getting older, while all the rest stays the same. 

i guess i always quibble. agreed. in a way, it’s my way to get away from a deep sorrow. things i try to dig inside, to push away, they always end up with getting deeper and deeper. thought i’ve signed the contract with emotions and all other icons not to hurt me anymore. it’s more like being fragile actually. looking at the world through smudged lenses, getting lost in tunes, moments. quibbling. my favorite game..

‘So much that i can say to you
with affection that i burn inside
you’re aching from the distance
avoiding strain that’s running still alive’

suicide forrest

in this dark cold air

this is like a verge of a change, like a music note, waiting for its beat to show itself. feeling similar symptoms, headache, both happiness and anxiety. so i say to myself, i think i’m at a verge of another change. is that good? is that gonna bring anything different? i guess nobody can be sure about such things. i like to watch a waterfall, the water drops falling from above to the ground, millions of possibilities, millions of changes. i like to just watch it, no intention to control any pattern, any shape. i like to watch the sun rising, setting, smiling, mourning. i don’t want to alter it, neither to touch it. some people want to be more active i suppose on the shape of the things to come. well i don’t. i have my own reasons for that.

‘I know it
I think I know it from a hymn
They’ve said so
It doesn’t need more explanation
A box to open up with lights and sound
Making you cold
Very cold’ 

are you there? in pieces? looking around. cheers to the fate, cheers to the winter. to the minutes, lies, cries, days and nights. to all what i’ve done to myself. like a dim light in the middle of the night. sentences, words, letters, dots. thought i knew you. thought i found you. where are you. where are you? ..

so..

so that’s probably  what i’ve seen in dream, right..sometimes i wish i really could live my life again. and see where i was going wrong.